Conclusion about Ruby…

So I spoke to Ruby the other day, and she said that social security will be sending her January check soon. They didn’t close her case.

I think she is hearing what she wants to hear. She said social security keeps sending her letters about a fair hearing, and she’s not going to call because there’s no reason to. But she forgets that she owes social security money, and calling will help keep her benefits.

She is still waiting for her new debit card to arrive in the mail. She lost her first debit card and had to call the bank to have a new one issued. It’s been well over the time since the bank sent the card issued to her new address. So she called SSI to see if her check had been issued and it was. So all she needs to do is receive her new debit card and everything will be ok for her.

But in conclusion she has to maintain herself alot better. Her case manager is issuing her a payee for the rent so they take it straight out of her payments. She also has to worry about a con Edison bill and then her cell phone.

Her food stamps haven’t been issued yet, and there’s no way to check because snap offices don’t answer the phone. Her daughter put through the application and they needed a copy of her lease and her state identification.

So Ruby have those documents to her daughter so she could send it into the snap office.

Unfortunately Ruby doesn’t know how to do these things herself so she has to rely on other people. She doesn’t even know how to use her debit card to pay her cellphone bill on the T-Mobile app or calling con Edison to give her debit card information.

I really think Ruby needs a home health aide which her case manager is going to get for her. She needs to adjust herself to living with out depending on people to do things for her.

Her case manager is also going to get her access a ride so she can get to appointments, but across a ride is hard to get approved for.

Despite the fact that she has her own apartment, I think that the shelter placed her in the wrong living situation. I think she should be in a living situation like mine. Where the program becomes your payee and they even maintain your snap benefits. In case you can’t make it to the store for your own food they serves breakfast and lunch.

I slowly see that there’s a decline in her living situation and hope she doesn’t need back in the shelter.

So Ruby…

It looks like Ruby is getting a handle on her benefits. Ssa is supposed to call her on Tuesday about her case being closed.

Meanwhile she has to wait 45 days for her food stamps to be replenished and she has no food or money to get to the pantry or a soup kitchen.

She told me her daughter isn’t going to come see her to help her with any money to get around, but her daughter sure will ask Ruby for money for miceslanious items.

I feel that Ruby will most likely end back in the shelter before the year is out, according to the way she spends money and all the problems she’s having with keeping her case open. It looks like Ruby is having a hard time maintaining.

She has alot against her when it comes to her benefits. She owes ssa because they where over paying her, and then they closed her case because they didn’t have an address for her.

I’m going to call her tomorrow to check in with her to find out what happened with social security.

I really don’t want to find out that they closed her case. That would be desasterous for Ruby who lives in codependent relationships. Her traveling skills aren’t up to par and she requires someone to escort her to her appointment’s.

Starting over for Ruby will be a great pain and she’s never worked a day in her life. She will definitely have a hardship.

I wish Ruby all the best of luck, hopefully things remain in her favor.

My mother has sole custody of my daughter….

My psychiatrist suggested I reach out to my step father and inquire if I can get visitation. He let me know that my mother has full custody of my daughter and my son remains angry with me. When he found out that I contacted my step father he called him and expressed that he didn’t want to talk to him anymore. They haven’t spoken since.

So I would have to go through my mother to get visitation which is something I don’t want to do because it will further infuriate my son.

That’s it. I have no way of seeing my daughter or my son again, even though I’m stable I have no jurisdiction to have visitation.

I’m feeling very sad about this whole situation.

Ruby isn’t doing so well…

I spoke to Ruby today finally. Her SSI was cut off. She had to go to the ssa office on Friday to give her new address and they cut her SSI back on. But I think there’s more to that story.

She was only able to pay $140 of her $180 rent. She’s in section 8 supportive housing. She has to pay con Edison.

She got $1000 for her furniture budget from HRA, and instead of buying a bed she spent money on a grocery cart, and pots and pans for her kitchen. The rest of the money she spent on her daughter. The same thing with her stimulus check.

Her case manager told her that she could get into trouble because she doesn’t have a bed just an air mattress. If HRA does an investigation like a home visit to see that she bought a bed and furniture she could get into trouble. Im not sure what kind of trouble she can get into, but she didn’t spend the money correctly.

Her daughter is Leaching off of her, and I told Ruby that when the money stops so will her daughter. Her daughter believes it’s Ruby’s right to help her financially, and Ruby goes along with it.

Because she didn’t pay the full rent she may have a problem with management. I asked her why she didn’t pay the full amount, she said she didn’t have it.

Unfortunately I think Ruby is going to be back in the shelter given the fact that her benefits where cut off. She may receive one more check but that’s it.

Trying to get the full story out of her and not the parts that she heard is fustrating. But I can’t help her.

Everyone tells her not to give her daughter money, and she doesn’t listen. I hope Ruby works it out.

Today is my birthday…

Today I got my second stimulus check, so for my birthday I bought a couple of perfumes and some silver jewelry from Amazon prime.

I got unforgivable for woman by Sean John, anais, anais, and a new perfume I saw on the Wendy Williams show called boyfriend.

As far as silver jewelry I bought a necklace, a set of bangled, and three rings. One of the rings is a name ring which is being made for me with my name on it.

I was thinking of getting a new winter jacket but I decided against it.

For my birthday I’m just chillin and doing some laundry.

Some people wished me a happy birthday. But it’s nothing like having family around but that’s not the deal here.

My step father didn’t text me to wish me a happy birthday. That kind of broke my heart a little, but what can I say, I’m not part of the family anymore.

I’m not going to dwell though. I’m just going to do my laundry and celebrate alone.


Today I have to go to the shelter to pick up my medication that was sent to the shelter and not st. Francis.

I really don’t feel like going because I was sick with a stomach virus this weekend I’m feeling lathargic.

Today also I’m having a covid test done. I really don’t feel like doing that either but I have no choice in the matter.

I’ve been trying to call Ruby but her phone still goes to voicemail. I wonder what’s up with her. Her phone isn’t cut off, it just goes straight to voicemail. I really wonder if she lost her phone or she is just keeping it turned off for a good reason. Hopefully she turns it on soon so I can wish her a happy holiday as new years is a few days away.

I saw Abdul on Friday night. He came by to see how I was doing which was very nice of him. We stayed outside in the little park next door to my building.

We talked and he showed me his driver’s license. He said he’s going to work for Uber eats because he has access to his nephews car. His savings is dwindling and he needs to put money back.

He stayed for about a half hour then I walked him to the train station.

I hope that my medication doesn’t go to the shelter next month. I hope they fix the problem with delivery.

I spent time with my crush…

I let him but me lunch at Popeyes and we are in the lounge. The last couple of days I’ve been hanging out with him in the lounge smoking cigarettes.

I’ve come to the realization that he is harmless, he just wants someone to listen to him talk and he is long winded.

He talk about DC universe, starwars, and startreck, things I have no interest in.

I basically just sit and listen to him talk passionately about these subjects smoked a few cigarettes he offered, and then went to my apartment.

But I’m not trying to make this a habit. I was bord and he kept asking me to spend time with him, so I decided to do just that.

It just doesn’t change my feeling about him although harmless his goal is to make me his girlfriend which is not going to happen.

He keeps saying once we get to know each other more maybe we can be boyfriend and girlfriend. I think it’s just a ploy because he’s a 51 year old virgin he wants to have intimacy. I cannot see myself with someone like him at all. But it was cool enough to break up sometime and listen to him talk.

I’m going to be 40…

My birthday is a couple of weeks away on January 4th. Last year I celebrated with a piece of cake from the bakery up the block from the shelter. I was with Ruby.

This year I don’t know what I’m going to do. There’s no bakery around so I can get a piece of cake.

I’m supposed to be partying and celebrating a milestone. I’m turning 40, I should be around loved ones and friends. I feel like I’m on punishment.

I can’t even celebrate with Ruby because she doesn’t know her address or what train runs by her.

This seems so unfair. I’m dwelling on getting older and not having my children around me or my family and what friends I did have.

I’m so sad. I feel like I caused this on myself. But I know it’s because of my mental illness.

I wish I could change things and somehow reverse the hands of time and go back the way thing where, but I know that’s impossible.

I miss my family so much.

Today is my daughters birthday…

So today my daughter turns 13. I wonder what the family is going to do to celebrate. She’s a teenager, and I’m not there to witness it.

This completely breaks my heart. I’m missing milestones in my daughters life. I wonder what she looks like now. The last time I saw her she was ten years old.

Three years has passed already. I’m filled with emotion today. I wish I could just see her and give her a big hug and let her know I’m proud of her.

But I can’t be anywhere near my children, which is killing me.

I wonder what she’s going to wear for her special day, now that she is a teen. I wonder is she wearing lipgloss yet, or if she’s gotten her period.

I just hope she gets everything that she wished for. I’m sure my mother will make it a special day.