I’m going to be 40…

My birthday is a couple of weeks away on January 4th. Last year I celebrated with a piece of cake from the bakery up the block from the shelter. I was with Ruby.

This year I don’t know what I’m going to do. There’s no bakery around so I can get a piece of cake.

I’m supposed to be partying and celebrating a milestone. I’m turning 40, I should be around loved ones and friends. I feel like I’m on punishment.

I can’t even celebrate with Ruby because she doesn’t know her address or what train runs by her.

This seems so unfair. I’m dwelling on getting older and not having my children around me or my family and what friends I did have.

I’m so sad. I feel like I caused this on myself. But I know it’s because of my mental illness.

I wish I could change things and somehow reverse the hands of time and go back the way thing where, but I know that’s impossible.

I miss my family so much.

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