Just something’s I was thinking….

I’m going to be 40 years old and I have nothing to show for it.

I’m in debt with student loans and credit cards. If by chance I can’t get student loan forgiveness my loans will garnish my wages if and when I start working. I’m in financial ruins and I’m terrified.

Yes it’s a positive thing that I was able to get housing, but what happens when the buck runs out? I’m literally living on borrowed time and I don’t know what to do for my future.

In 2.5 years ssa may not find me disabled anymore, and I’m going to have to find a job that will allow me to pay rent and keep myself afloat and also pay my student loans. I’m qualified for nothing, except medical billing, which I have to pay $50 dollars for a new certificate. I’m not going to be able to find a job in this economy, which will put me back in the shelter system most likey susans place.

I just want to die already and escape these on going problems that I have building. I am so unhappy with everything. Everything I have is on borrowed time from my cell phone to my basic cable and even my living arrangement.

I wish I wasn’t born, I literally fucked up everything and I don’t know how to recover.

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