The holidays are coming…

It is quite depressing that I have no where to go for the holidays. I am sitting on that fact.

This will be my second holiday with out family. Last year at the shelter, they served us a pre Thanksgiving brunch, and then a special holiday dinner.

Brunch consisted of waffles and mini sausages and real orange juice, coffee, and hot water for tea.

For thanks giving dinner, we had ham, turkey, macaroni and cheese, and collard greens. For dessert we had a slice of either pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie, or apple pie with cool whip on top. They didn’t make any stuffing which is the essence of the meal I feel, but it was better then nothing at all.

This year the residence takes the tenants upstate to a lodge for Thanksgiving. I’m not sure if I’m going to go. I mean, it will probably be nice, but I feel out of place with all the seniors.

There is nothing like a home cooked meal, and I miss my mother’s cooking dearly and her homemade stuffing.

Christmas is especially hard because my daughters birthday is December 21st. Last year I bought a little Debbie cake and celebrated quietly by myself at one of the cafeteria tables.

For Christmas the shelter had a raffle, and everyone got gift bags or a stuffed animal of your choosing.

I got a gift bag with thermal socks, maxi pads, and a sample size secret deodorant.

But there’s nothing like recieving gifts from your family, or waking up Christmas morning and having bagels and lox with coffee.

I miss my familys traditions so much. Like decorating the house right after Thanksgiving and getting a tree.

I miss the excitement of my kids as Christmas approaches. I miss Christmas morning when everyone gets up early and goes into the living room to open gifts.

I don’t know what I’m going to do this Christmas. I may buy myself something, but there’s nothing I really want, as I have bought everything I need. It’s just not the same as being surprised with a gift under the tree. There’s no one to go see, and unfortunately Abdul doesn’t celebrate Christmas because he’s Muslim.

I may just end up staying in bed all day and watching cheesey Christmas movies on tv.

My birthday is right after new years, which is January 4th. One of the directors of the building said that they try and celebrate birthdays. So I may get a little cake and ice cream for my day.

But holidays are simply the worse for me since leaving my mother’s apartment.

I have come to the realization that I was not at my healthiest living with her and my children.

They are better off with out me, and unfortunately I have to say I’m not the same with out them, but I’m better off alone. It hurts to say that.

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