Well today I “was” supposed to go with Abdul to target, but I will be going alone.

He had told me by text yesterday that he was going to arrive earlier then expected because he had to meet with his brother at 11am.

Originally we had plans to meet at 10 am. I told him the store doesn’t even open until ten and that getting to me earlier isn’t going to work. Plus I have an appointment to talk to one of the directors at 9:30am. So an hour or less in target is rushing my process of being able to find everything that I need for the first trip to that specific store. I told him maybe next time he can go with me. But the whole conversation actually pissed me off.

He’s one of ten children, so I do understand the importance of family especially the fact that he has just a couple of brothers living in new York city. But I don’t like the fact that he had promised me that he would be spending a nice portion of the day with me as we haven’t seen each other for about two months now.

I did let him know that the building manager let me know that they are quartining visitors, we aren’t allowed to have guests until covid is over, but still… Since finding out that I was approved for housing we had plans set to go to target the day after I moved. I just kind of feel like he planned to meet with his brother at 11am because he can’t come to my apartment.

Between his obligations to the mosque and his loaylty to his brothers , I really do not see how him and I can even work on trying to have a relationship outside being friends, which I feel is damn near impossible, and a conflict of interest. The conflict of interest popped up in the conversation.

He also has to go to mid day prayers, so the whole day most likely would have been over by noon.

But I’m pissed that he made plans so close to what would have been our time together, and for that I have made my decision not to pursue anything more from him. I’m just going to do the things I need to do and get the things I need to get alone. Even though he has helped me in the past, it was on his terms. I don’t want to work around him and his terms when it comes to my apartment.

I really do not want a relationship in general anyways, even if it where to be a possibility. I consider him to be a friend, but he is unreliable and it doesn’t take but one time for me to make a choice on extending myself.

I really need the help carrying back the heaviest things which is the storage container I need for my apartment.

So I’m probably going to be making a few trips today to target as I have nothing else to do but continued unpacking and getting my apartment settled.

I do not feel bad either as his commitments are prioritized around his prayer schedule. It’s something I really just do not want to deal with.

So I decided that I’m not going to be as open as I have been in the last couple of months since seeing him. I really feel that I’m not going to be able to share myself fully anyway as I cannot dedicate myself to what he is really looking for which is to plan a family.

I am just not going to be so forward with trying to maintain conversation with him, and just let the chips fall where they lay.

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