When I had nothing

When I first started in the shelter I had nothing. No Obama phone, and no clothes. I would watch blue bloods and law and order in the living room until dinner time which is served at 5pm. So from 1pm to 5pm I would watch the TV, until Ingrid my case manager gave me two legal pads and pens.

I had 15 dollars from public assistance, my quest for a word search book became my task. Anything to break up the day.

I had learned that the deli on the hill sold cigarettes and you could use your EBT card that was the highlite of having EBT. I had at least money to buy cigarettes. I used the $10 dollars I was able to pull out to get a puzzle book at the dollar store, until I had taking a walk with Vernese up Jerome Ave to the 99 cent store. We found the search a word book and she bought it for me.

I couldn’t have met Abdul at a greater time. I was getting clothes from the donations closet but I’m a shapely woman all the clothes I had didn’t quiet fit. I had gotten more panties from a Muslim woman named mama who since retired her position at the shelter.

I was able to buy hanes men’s tighty whitey underwear to add to my small collection of under garments. I had collected some champion sweatpants that where baggy but high water from off the donations table and that’s when Ruby gave me a black denim jumpsuit. From then on we became friends.

It wasn’t until Victoria gave me the Obama phone that I met Abdul who was persistent on exchanging numbers. Then I switched SIM cards to the unlocked phone and we have been in contact ever since. He’s been somewhat of a support system. He was giving me $20 a week and buying me panties I came around a pack of hanes at the thrift store and he bought them for me for the $5.

He also bought me three bras from Amazon prime and two pair of leggings. And in the winter he bought me a coat from the thrift store. One of the staff members gave me a green fur hooded gap coat with drawstrings as a belt as well.

When I got my backpay and my new clothes came I took all the donated clothes I had gotten and put them on the donations table. In five minutes the clothes where gone and the next day I saw a woman wearing a green sweater I had donated. At least the clothes didn’t go to waste. There was someone who needed.

When you need clothes you have to ask Ms.Mecca and fill out a request form with your size in shirts and pants and they pull out clothes at random that MIGHT be your size. The donations closet is for woman who aren’t receiving SSI. You literally have to have nothing.

Then there’s the donations store where get a ticket from your case manager and it’s more upscale clothing. They have shoes not sneakers and pants not jeans and bags not purses. The store opens on Fridays and you can choose up to two items.

I’m thankful that my time wasn’t in vain with having to apply for ssi again. I may have had to appeal which was my fear, but they found me to be disabled.

When I had nothing I would secretly be jealous of everyone with a cell phone and a tablet, that when I got the Obama phone I set up shop on tagged and took some pictures, longing for someone to pass time with by text message.

Obama phone you only get 100 minutes for talk, unlimited text messages and 3 gigs of data. So you have to connect to WiFi.

I set up my voicemail, because by the time I got the SafeLink sim card in the mail, I had had to fill out the SSI questionnaire and put my number down so they could call me for the next step in the application process.

I’m happy to have joined a small piece of society again and pay a cell phone bill. I feel connected to the universe in a small way.

I was just going to keep the Obama phone and get the tablet but was told at metro PCS that you can’t just have a plan with a tablet you have to have a phone as well. So I got the phone I liked which is a phablet phone. 6.3 inch screen. I may give the Obama phone to someone who needs it.

Im thankful that I have clothes that fit now. I had one pair of sneakers that Abdul bought me from Amazon a pair of new balances. I recently bought a second pair of sneakers because the puma sneakers I bought on Amazon are too tight so they are going on the donations table.

And with my new laptop I have created a little world for myself. I’m connected to my blog and my novel that I’m writing. But I’m ever so lonely. I miss my family. I miss my old friends. I don’t really miss having a psychois which is scarey to go though.

I’m not happy that I have to play the guessing game when it comes to my future. But I did it to myself under the watchful eye of schitoaffective tendencies.

I still have nothing. I don’t have a place to call home and don’t know if I ever will.

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